On Certain Reports to the Local Authorities

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On Certain Reports to the Local Authorities

This is , though I cannot prove it either way, and all audiences are perhaps somewhat ‘biased’ not something to report to the local
authorities, meaning when one has been ‘attacked’ or ‘molested’
or ‘abused’ or ‘teased mercilessly’ or “beaten up
and left to die” or even in some cases justified
and or not. actually ‘tortured’ by personnages missing, distant
, deceased and mythical or fictional.The more hard-boiled, logical
-seeming, rational-seeming, common-sensical seeming,
middle class seeming, neat and organized and uniformed
and appropriate seeming
hard-assed, if you will, seasoned, full time professional, so to speak,
or practiced Authorities here of every kind, in or out or your
region, tale this ‘sort of thing’, in two seconds, as clear cut
evidence , according to their experience and respectable
and responsible time honored workaday manuals
of anything under the sun, ranging from small time personal
mischief to bona fide full blown psychoses or delusional
systems or drug overdoses willing or not to complex fraud to governmental
or other sophisticated big time mischief and misdeamors to
demonic or angelic or alien possession, to publicity stunts to
attempts to overthrow the local order and create a new regime
not to speak of the effects of sour milk late at night or slightly
spoiled meat or poultry or fish or eggs or some suicide attempt
gone awry. Hey, goes the message in all cases “this was not
at all about us ever; it was always merely about you.mainly
because it is necessary right now for us to focus and isolate
and narrow down or cordon off The Problem (business
as usual) and see you as being
‘simply not us” whether overtly or covertly
Our traditional social methods for determing Right
from Wrong and Bad from Good and
Guilty from Innocent Anyway, Great Captain! Absolutely
nobody can ever change the world
can you, at least not without expectations of getting
killled or worse? So they tell me.
Or expect any good and regular and reasonable and normal
person to reach over the side of their lifeboat and drag
you out of the water and back into collective
happiness and safety? No that
is idealistic, utopian, romantic and not to be ever expected
if you are clearly self evidently and obviously not
one of ‘us”
“So keep your testimony and witnessing small, simple
limited and precise and exact in our terms. and address
what you have to say word for word to our wants and needs and
perhaps even likes and dislikes and even biases perhaps
traditions and preconceptions Or to bring back
the old elementary school adage “he or she who smellt it
surely dealt it etc etc Know what we mean?Way of the world
buddy anywhere you go”
Somehow none of this satisfied me. I am not sure if this makes
me a ‘this’ or a ‘that’ but it did not satisfy or pacify me one bit.
I was not a full time and professional uniform wearing Authority
whose salary was paid for by local state and federal taxes.
I had not signed any social contracts of any kind to enforce
any sort of law, rules or regulations. I was merely a half
dazed and very confused totally ordinary citizen who was still
recovering from the complex effects of botched open heart
surgery (which alas can happen to anybody) who was not
in full control or management of his faculties and damned
well knew that.and informed others of that. too.Yes the
effects of botched open heart surgery at a top and very
respectable Catholic run cardiac hospital called St Francis
which was near to me, plus a longterm mysterious clearly
there but to most doctors baffling mood disorder –by
any other name– which had knocked me for a loop.
In other words not capable of doing much..to help or
defend or advocate for myself in any way and for a very
long time. Obviously. Not was I really ‘angry’ or ‘disorganized’
or ‘agitated’ according to any witness who saw me.in person
and did not merely imagine my reactions as per their own
set of specs. I was as I ever was. Even my main rival at
a job I had 10 years ago –and not much has changed since
then– who was not always the world’s most honest woman
whenever she felt her interests remotely threatened or
challenged said of me that i was “completely calm when
all the bombs went off and the others all went nuts”
So, finding an old hand scrawled phone number in one
of my sloppy notebooks I telephoned a connection who
was high, high, high up in one of the national security
and police bureaucracies, a guy I vaguely knew and liked
sort of on a personal level (hope it was mutual) and who
had a resume of awards, (military, civil,
local, creative, character-related, presidential, congressional,
judicial, religious, intellectual, financial) test results, achievements,
inventions, patents publications which was as long
as your arm and made my pathetic (though to some
people respectable seeming)_ resume look like
something out of kindergarden.
So i explained myself briefly to XXXX, whom I had not spoken
to directly in about eight years and he said “yeah” and ‘
of course” and “i see” and “hmm” and ‘what??” among other
remarks. including ‘well you’re right as usual” and ‘you expect..?”
without finishing the phrase. As this fellow was not in any
sense a close or regular associate– most of my real friends
are lovely charming but not very conventionally successful
degreed or affluent social drop outs..I searched my mind
(hardly a photographic one)_ for any bits and pieces of
uttered phrases (from a while back) which might give me
some clue how to handle him. Then I sort of recalled him
saying that if i found out the “truth’ (or the truth the whole
truth and nothing but the truth) regarding this long
disastrous shaggy dog story I “might not want to live”
(his exact words) I remembered at the time being very
puzzled by this phrase and somewhat distresser or
bothered.because especially coming from a bona fide
army and intelligence official who was certainly a real
‘conservative’ and very much on the so called ‘other side
of the tracks’ of many social issues, this might have
been interpreted as an assaultive or hostile or threatening
remark. at least by some. I was not so sure..myself
Did not want to jump the proverbial gun with him.
Or anybody else. As best I could.
So he screamed at me over the phone “I SAID TO YOU
BACK THEN THAT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO LIVE
BECAUSE ALL OF US UP HERE NOT JUST MOST OF US
OR SOME OF US AT WHAT YOU NATURALLY
WILL CALL “THE TOP” ARE JUST DAMNED FRIGGING
THICK AS A BRICK, JEALOUS, RESENTFUL,
COMPETITIVE, INSENSITIVE BIASED, VICIOUS,CONSPIRATORIAL,
COVERT, SNEAKY AS HELL, RESENTFUL, AUTHORITARIAN,
HUMORLESS, UNTALENTED, BRUTAL, MANIPULATIVE, INSANE
DISHONEST, BORDERLINE CRIMINALISTIC, NEUROTIC/
PSYCHOTIC/SCHIZOPHRENIC/PARANOID/PROGRAMMED/
UNSPONTANEOUS/UPTIGHT/CORRUPTED AS
AND STUPID AS HELL WHEN IT COMES TO HANDLING
ANYTHING OTHER THAN ROUTINE EASY TO PROCESS
IN AND OUT CASES OF JUSTICE OR DIFFERING
OPINIONS OR BIAS CRIMES AND MOST OF US THEN (BUT NOT
ME) JUST SIMPLY FRIGGING MAKE UP A STORY
TO COVER IT ALL UP!! ITS INSTINCT ALMOST..
A TOTALLY KNEEJERK REACTION (SIG HEIL!! OHH DAMN
THAT IS GROSS. WHY AM I SAYING THAT???SO SORRY.
I UM SLIPPED….TO ERR IS HUMAN ETC) .
WITH ALL OF US, GOD BLESS AND OR SAVE US
EACH AND EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE DOWN THE LINE !
YOU NATURALLY MUST DESPISE LOATHE
AND HATE OUR DAMNED GUTS”
“Not sure Jack .Mixed feelings Very very mixed.
How is the million dollar mansion
of yours , the one you took me to on vacation like
what 10 years ago? and that country lakehouse and your new
yacht and your Mercedes and that wonderful sweet “10” ish
Wife
of yours I met so long ago?? Must be a great life on
1000 acres of land..in the countrywide, hunting estate and all that”
” Vastly over-rated” was his two word snappy response.
“My sympathies and condolences Yeah even empathy.
When my Dad died it was sheer hell for me for three
years. Maybe you cant understand that stuff til
you get there Who knows? People will say or do
or not say or not do anything.Life is of course as most know
but never acknowledge rough for absolutely everyone..How
is everyone down there by the way?
“Dad just died”: he said sadly.”cardiac of course General stress
they said. ”
“Really sorry man..must be a total heartbreak. If you wanna cry
on my shoulder a bit , well. I understand. We all hurt inside.
No exceptions Even your worst most unreachable
and unredeemable long term enemy..This sucks
but he or she is always human too.. You
gonna help me now Jack? Old pal We have known
each other forever eh?. Now that you are all set with
those millions. Well all extremely hard work of course
and you earned every single last penny of what you got
Not asking for any money so rest easy Okay/ Not a commie
or terrorist or ninja freak.. LOL
Me? I dont know..about me..”
His voice was thin and weak and drained
now almost like that
of a child “How are those poems of yours coming along,
Paulie?Some stews gotta brew a very long time.
“Fine, Jack..but…”
His voice panted slightly at the other end . I could not see his
face of course but his deep emitted sigh and half giggle spoke
of much much more complicated emotional involvement than I had thought
was going on here that was merited or whatever.
“You da best Paulie. Night” then he hung up. Ah well. Next step? Sigh…Well… We’ll see.about THAT

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